Charlotte entered the exam room with Derek following her inside. She stood back, letting Derek take the lead and explain to the patient his diagnosis and told him he needed surgery. Charlotte followed him to the door and nodded at his words. “Great.” Charlotte said as he told her he would book an OR. “I will tell him. I will get him into a room and I will run his pre-op tests before the surgery.” Charlotte said. “Oh, and I’ll probably be up in Chief Hunt’s office, so you could send a nurse up to tell me the time of the OR.” Charlotte suggested.
Once Derek had left, she closed the door and headed back to the patient. “Dr. Shepherd really is the best neurosurgeon out there. He is a world class surgeon. You are in good hands, Mr. Conrad. Is there anyone you need to call?” Charlotte asked. “Yes, I guess I should probably call my wife.” The patient said. “Yes, you probably should.” Charlotte smiled softly and heading to the door to let the patient out. Charlotte stayed at the nurse station, signing the patient while he phoned his wife to tell her the news. Once he came back, she made him follow her over to the patient’s room, and called the nurses over to help him get settled. “I will be back soon to check on the pre-op, Mr. Conrad.” Charlotte said before turning to leave the room
Charlotte spent her time in the Chief’s office. She spent her time doing paperwork to help the Chief. And preparing a meeting she had with board. She went down to the cafeteria to get her lunch and then made her way up back to the office. While she was eating a nurse knocked on the door and came up to tell her when the surgery was. “Thank you.” Charlotte said just before the nurse left. She finished her lunch, put her things away and headed down to the patient’s room. Once she got there, she found in the room a nurse, the patient and who seemed to be his wife. “You must be Mrs. Conrad. I’m Dr. King, your husband’s doctor.” Charlotte smiled. Before checking on the patient’s pre-op results, Charlotte explained to the wife what was the problem and what the surgery would do, so she had all the details. Charlotte answered the questions they had. She checked the results and saw that everything was perfectly normal and that the patient was ready for surgery. The wife kissed her husband and made her way down to the living room while the nurses and Charlotte took the patient down to the OR.
Charlotte got changed into her scrubs and entered the scrub room. While she waited for Dr. Shepherd, she started to scrub in.
He walked into the scrub room on time, seeing Charlotte was already there. “Dr. King,” he acknowledged, giving her a smile before going ahead and scrubbing in. Once everything was in place and sterile, Derek nodded for Charlotte to follow him into the OR where the patient had already been put under and was waiting. “Alright people, it’s a beautiful afternoon to save lives,” he said. “It’s something I say, gets me moving in the OR,” he chuckled, informing Charlotte about the familiar phrase he was so used to uttering by now. Taking a deep breath, Derek rubbed his gloved hands together before holding out his hand. “Scalpel,” he instructed, and after the sleek tool was placed between his fingers he proceeded to make the first cut into Michael’s back. He looked at the damaged nerves, pointing out the places he could fix to Charlotte. “Okay, this is going to be risky,” he said, lips pressed into a firm line. “But we can do it, can’t we?” He said, grinning at her slightly over his mask.
Neuro had always come easily to Derek, and although the whole procedure kept him on his toes the whole time in that OR, Derek knew exactly what to do. With the help of Charlotte, they carefully fixed the damaged nerves properly, the conversation between them mostly medical as they focused on restoring Michael’s… sexual function. Finally, after an extended period of time, everything was back in its place. Derek looked up excitedly, always happy after a succesful surgery, joking, “His wife’s sure going to be happy.” He headed back into the scrub room after closing, turning on the water as he remarked to Charlotte, “You’re a pretty good surgeon, you know.” He paused, grabbing the soap and letting the suds run between his fingers. “I was glad to have you on this case—even more so glad that you paged me instead of Amelia,” he chuckled. “It’s not every day you see a case like this.”
(via dr-charlotteking-deactivated201)
Meredith smiled across at Derek, relieved that the awkwardness was pretty much completely gone. It would have been awful having to spend a few hours in the OR with tension filled silences and pauses, so Meredith was definitely thankful that they’d at least worked out enough to prevent that from occurring. She moved from where she’d been leaning against the sink, and followed behind Derek into the OR. She was gowned and gloved, and stepped to stand just behind and to the side of Derek at the patient’s head. Meredith felt almost eager to see the inside of a brain once more, it felt like it had been so long since she’d been privy to that sight. Underneath her scrub mask, Meredith couldn’t help but let a small smile creep over her lips, she was in an OR standing near a patient’s head rather than at the abdomen, and she was beside her husband. Somehow it felt like she was completely in the right place, exactly where she was supposed to be. This was always how she’d imagined her future really, well ever since she’d married Derek, she’d pictured herself working alongside him, learning from him as she always had; even if it was just for this surgery, it was thrilling to be back in the OR beside him. She looked across at him, and heard him say his signature pre-surgery phrase, and felt at home. It was one of the many quirks that Derek had that she loved, the fact that he said that before surgeries, the fact that his favourite scrub cap was his ferryboat one, the fact that he had to have sixteen towels in the OR at all times. They were all just little things that she loved about him.
She watched, enthralled as Derek made the first cut into Heather Conners’ brain, exposing the tissue beneath the skull flap. Meredith noted the damaged area, and was as pleasantly relieved as Derek was when she noted it wasn’t as serious at it could have been. That was definitely good news, this patient had been through enough trauma what with her burns, and the emotional trauma that she must have also gone through. Meredith expected that the surgery would be easier, and that it wouldn’t take Derek as long as he’d thought, which was also pleasing news. She stepped a tiny bit closer as Derek moved a little, and looked, her eyes taking in the sight of the brain tissue and noting the damage, the small amounts of bleeding. She looked across at Derek as he spoke, confirming what she thought would be the normal procedure for this sort of brain injury. It was incredibly exciting and satisfying to Meredith that the knowledge was all still there in her brain, that she could completely recall the procedure for this type of surgery, having been in the OR when Derek had performed it before. It was definitely nice to know that she hadn’t forgotten everything she’d learnt from Derek.
What he said next, however, was completely unexpected. Meredith was taken aback as Derek asked if she wanted to perform the surgery. She raised her eyebrows and looked across at him in amazement, he was going to let her do this? Meredith was almost dumbfounded at the gesture, this had certainly not been what she thought would happen. He actually wanted to let her do this surgery, the meaning of this was not lost on Meredith. It was an extremely important step, something that made her almost giddy to think of. His muttered words in her ear made a grin appear across her face, he trusted her enough to let her do this surgery, and that was a big gesture on his part. It really was a step in the right direction. Meredith realised she hadn’t answered him yet, and eagerly replied, “Really?” She said and then nodded. “If you’re really sure, then yes!” Meredith looked at him once more, and then stepped closer to the patient, looking down at the injury. The smile beneath her scrub mask was still there, as she asked for the necessary instruments from the scrub nurse to her left, and took them in her hands. She focused on the brain tissue, feeling confident in the fact that she was in the OR with Derek, and he was trusting her to perform this surgery. There was no way she was going to let him down now, absolutely no way. Meredith began to work, her heart racing as she did so, the excitement ever present at the fact that once more, she was working with a patient’s brain.
He was amazed at how quickly and efficiently she worked; even after months of not being in his OR she’d still retained most (if not all) of the information he’d implanted into her brain during multiple lessons. While he watched her skilled fingers flit over Heather Conners’ brain, Derek was overcome with emotion. He was proud of her, proud that she was his wife, proud at how hard she’d been working to regain his trust. Although it was completely there yet, Derek was a firm believer that if he kept working at it slowly, they could be there soon. “Good,” he murmured, watching Meredith control the bleeding easily, like she’d been doing it every second of her life. Neuro came easily to her, and it made Derek’s heart ache that he was the one keeping her away. But what could he do? How did he know Meredith wasn’t going to do something rash again because her heart told her to do so? Seeing things in black and white was something Derek struggled with, wrestling with it on nights with little sleep. He wanted Meredith back in neuro, and yet he didn’t. It was all confusing and mentally exhausting at the same time. He didn’t know how to keep going on like this; it’d be easier to make a decision. But he couldn’t tell himself that she was out for good, and yet he couldn’t allow her back either. Derek knew he would just have to slowly work at it, until he reached a conclusion.
She finished the procedure like she was breathing, and after he watched her close as well, leaving perfect and tiny stitches in Ms. Conners’ brain, Derek placed his hands together as he began his applause. He watched for Meredith to turn and meet his eyes, smiling underneath his mask as the whole OR joined in in applause. They were hitting new ground. Leaning forward, Derek gave her a kiss through their surgical masks to show just how proud of her he really was. The applause lasted a good few minutes, until Derek’s hands began to sting slightly from the intensity and fervor he tried to keep in every clap. Eventually, the applause died down, Derek finishing with the last clap that resonated through the OR. Signaling for the nurses to clean up and wake Heather up from surgery, he headed back into the scrub room to scrub out. “I was so proud of you today,” he let himself say, smiling his McDreamy smile at Meredith as the water once again rushed over his skin. “You were… you were brilliant in there,” he told her, reaching over to give her hand a squeeze. He let his hand linger there over hers, until he leaned over suddenly and met her mouth in an intense kiss. He didn’t know how else to apologize for the way he’d treated her after the Alzheimer’s trial, especially the night he’d spent at the unfinished McDream House, the night Zola had come back with them too. Maybe Janet thought Meredith was an irresponsible mother but he knew she wasn’t, and he knew that part of the reason why Janet had thought they were “separated” was because he’d spent the night somewhere else. He could never separate himself from Meredith, he knew that and he never had had any doubt about it.
Pulling away, Derek chuckled nervously. “Sorry,” he apologized, pulling his hand away to finish rinsing the soap off. He watched the water swirl down the drain before looking up again to meet Meredith’s eyes. “I just…” He shook his head, not knowing how to explain the passionate kiss he’d given her. “You’re amazing,” he finished simply, shutting off the water and grabbing a towel to dry his hands and arms with. “You’re simply amazing,” he smiled. “And I’m lucky you were the resident on my service today.” It wasn’t much, but it was a start, and he was glad about it too. He hadn’t expected to have such a romantic moment in the scrub room after Heather Conners’ surgery, but yet again he hadn’t expected for Meredith to be on his service today either. He hadn’t been expecting to work with her or even to let her fly solo on this surgery, but he was glad for all of it.
Amelia saw the emotions flicker across Derek’s face when she mentioned her relapse. She was so conflicted about whether or not to talk to Derek about it. She wanted to trust him enough to tell him, but she was terrified of how he would react. The first time she struggled with her drug addiction he had pulled away from her so fast Amelia hadn’t even realized he was gone until she got out of rehab. They had drifted so far apart because of it and Amelia knew it was mostly her fault. She had disappointed him and she would rather suffer alone than risk that again.
She smiled when he mentioned how moving to Seattle would bring her and Addison closer together as well as the two of them. She felt guilty in that moment for not telling Derek everything. She wanted to tell him about Michelle’s disease and then death, meeting Ryan, going missing for 12 days (most of which she still didn’t have any recollection of), Ryan proposing, the intervention, Ryan dying, and finally pulling herself back out of the hell hole her drug addiction was. But, what would he think of her after he learned that she had agreed to help her best friend die and then left her alone so she could swallow a bottle of oxy? What would he think of her when he learned of all the horrible and cruel things she had said to Addison, Charlotte, and pretty much everyone else at OceanSide Wellness? What would he think of her when he learned that it was her fault Ryan was dead? She felt tears prick at her eyes, but she blinked them away quickly. You should have been the one to die. She pushed the thought from her head and focused on what her brother was saying.
“No, Addie and Sam aren’t together anymore. He doesn’t deserve her,” Amelia said firmly. Amelia’s heart broke for her brother when he mentioned Zola. Derek had been an amazing big brother. He had really stepped up after their dad died and helped mom take care of her. He would have made a great dad. “She’ll always be your little girl. Sometimes life surprises us. Sometimes in really shitty ways,” she said thinking of Michelle and Ryan, “And sometimes in really great ways.” She smiled. “I know I would have loved her. I would have taken her to Paris for her 13th birthday and spoiled her rotten. I’m not sure that makes you a good aunt, though. I think you have to be a good role model to qualify as a good aunt and I am not someone anyone should aspire to be.” She smiled sadly when he mentioned he wished she could have gotten to meet Zola. She wished that too. “I could quote the big NA book at you, but I’ll spare you. Instead, I’ll say I hope I still get to meet her someday.” Amelia wanted to reach out and maybe touch his arm or hand to give him some kind of comfort, but she was unsure if he would welcome physical contact with her. No, she would let him set the pace for them repairing their relationship. She owed him at least that much.
He watched the tears pool in her eyes before she blinked them away, his own heartache paining him momentarily. He wanted to help her, but he wasn’t sure how to. As he listened to her talk, watching and listening to the opening she gave him, he decided to take it. Clearing his throat, Derek talked slowly, doing his best to choose his vocabulary carefully as to not push her away. “I don’t mean to pry, to push you away,” he said, cautiously meeting her eyes to gauge her reaction to his words. “But, you’re my little sister, and now you’re here in Seattle. And maybe we could fix things if we were honest with each other. I told you about Zo, so,” he paused, searching her face again to see if he should just change subjects or if he should go on. She wasn’t giving him much to go on, and so Derek decided to take the plunge and just say what was on his mind. “What happened in LA, Amy?”
After his words were hanging in the air, Derek expected to feel regret for sticking his nose in her business so easily. Instead though, he felt relieved. Like a burden had been lifted off his shoulders—he’d been wondering about the subject since she’d carefully brought it up, and now he knew that even if she chose not to reply, he’d at least tried. He could walk away from this conversation pleased that he’d made the effort to reconnect with Amelia. It was now up to her to say whatever she’d been hiding. Derek put a smile onto his face in efforts to reassure her that he was here and that he would do his best not to be judgmental about whatever had happened. She’d made mistakes in the past, but so had he. And although he was endlessly disappointed in her that she’d turned to drugs, part of him understood that it was her way of coping when things got hard. It was the only thing she knew how to do when she hit a rough patch. And maybe, maybe if Derek was here more, she’d realize she could turn to him instead of her addiction.
That’s what he wanted. For Amelia to feel safe talking to him, to know that she could trust him if she so chose to. He didn’t want her to be foreign anymore, especially since they were working together now. And above all, she was his sister, and that meant that they owed it to each other to have each other’s backs. She was his little sister, and she was family, and Derek would be at fault if he didn’t try his hardest to repair things. He saw things in black and white, he did, but he would do his best to survey that patch of grey in between if it meant he’d reach through to Amelia. Being with Meredith had taught him a bit on how to regard the grey areas, and although it was still difficult for Derek to believe they existed sometimes, he’d do it for Amelia.
The silence in the scrub room after she’d asked that question was almost tangible, and Meredith was beginning to regret having even brought it up. She should have just kept it inside, and tried to diminish her fears over going into the operating room with Derek, and focus on the fact that she was going to be part of neurosurgery again for the first time in as long as she could remember. But no, she’d opened her mouth, and spoken up about her fears, something she didn’t do very often. Meredith didn’t want to be a closed book to Derek, he was the one person she knew she should be open to – because that was what marriage was about really wasn’t it? Having no secrets from the other person because you trusted them so wholly that you didn’t have to hide things. Meredith didn’t want to have to quell her questions, or to hide things from Derek, she didn’t want to have to ignore the fact that she was worried her husband would never trust her completely again, that wasn’t how it was supposed to be. She knew their marriage wasn’t perfect, that it never would be considering who the two of them were, but Meredith understood that the trust was important, and that she’d completely broken it. Meredith turned her head, her gaze focusing on Derek, hoping for some sort of response from him, at this point she didn’t really mind how he responded, she just wanted some acknowledgment that she’d even spoken up.
She held her breath slightly as she heard Derek stutter, and she looked down at the ground. Meredith was not anticipating a great answer, considering how awkward the silence was, if he’d known he’d trusted her completely it wouldn’t have taken any time for him to answer, he wouldn’t have even had to consider the response. Since he hadn’t answered immediately Meredith knew that she didn’t have her husband’s full trust, and admittedly that saddened her; a small part of her had hoped that by now he’d completely forgiven her for her tampering with the trial. She wouldn’t call it a mistake, because Meredith knew in her heart of hearts that faced with that same situation, she’d do exactly the same thing. Sure, it was the wrong thing to do, and completely idiotic and she’d almost destroyed her career – but Meredith had always been someone who did the wrong things for all the right reasons. She’d had to mess up the clinical trial, she knew the consequences before she’d even done it, but Meredith had simply been focusing on the fact that the patient had been Adele. In all honesty, Meredith would completely understand if Derek never forgave her entirely for the trial – she knew how important it had been to him, how he’d planned it all for her, just in case she was going to end up developing early onset Alzheimers. She’d wrecked it and that was her fault, and she was living with the consequences, living with the fact that she wasn’t able to work with Derek anymore.
Hearing his response, Meredith gave a small nod, and a brief smile. It was a fair answer, Derek was saying that he trusted her enough to get through this surgery, and really that was all she needed to know, they could deal with whatever else that was necessary after the surgery. Meredith had really just wanted to be sure that her being in the OR with Derek was not going to end up with their marriage destroyed. That was how it had felt when she’d been performing her solo aneurysm clip with Derek by her side, when he’d clearly not trusted her to do what she instinctively knew. She just wanted to ensure that that situation didn’t repeat itself today. Meredith understood how much her actions frustrated Derek, she frustrated herself sometimes, she knew often she did things that were completely self-destructive but she just couldn’t help herself when it came down to it, and she loved that despite how much he hated the things she did, that he stayed, that he still loved her – because of the rules of post-it. It was because of that that Meredith knew that they would be okay, despite everything. She sighed a little, and then spoke, “Well, that’s good enough for me.” She assured him. “Ready to go save her life?” Meredith asked, letting a small smile creep across her face.
The way she quoted his famous OR line made him chuckle, the sound filling the air and easing the tension between them. Knowing they’d waited all too long in the scrub room, he leaned over and gave her a light kiss before turning and heading through the sliding glass doors and into the OR. He was quickly gowned and gloved, and after making sure his mask was in place, he went to stand by Heather Conners’ head. Taking in a deep breath, Derek uttered the familiar words, “Alright people, it’s a beautiful day to save lives. Let’s have some fun.” With the phrase that rolled off his tongue as quickly as a heartbeat, Derek was ready to tackle whatever challenges the intracerebral hematoma was willing to throw at him. Besides, he had Meredith by his side. Years of experience had taught him the most important thing—she could get him through anything. He remembered saying something similar like that to her when he proposed in the elevator, but Derek gently and affectionately shifted that memory out of his mind for the sole purpose of focusing on Heather’s brain. “I’m going to make the first cut,” he said to Meredith, who he knew was standing right behind his shoulder. It was comforting to have her so close, and Derek felt the effects of this small victory hit him—they’d gotten themselves into their first surgery together in months. That alone was a feat he hadn’t expected to accomplish. Silently, Derek thanked fate, or April, for putting Meredith on his service that night.
Gripping the scalpel firmly, Derek cut into the skin covering Heather’s brain. He was always sympathetic for his female patients; shaving off half their hair couldn’t be easy for them, especially having to recover from surgery as well. “Oh,” he let out the word when he had full view of the brain tissue. “This isn’t all that bad,” he said, relieved. Stepping to the side, he moved his arm so Meredith could get a better look. “We’ll just pass a catheter into the vasculature to close off the blood vessels… and we should be set.” The surgery was a familiar one for both himself and Meredith, and Derek knew without even having to consider his trust issues that he could count on her to do this. Smiling at her over his mask, he knew his next words would surprise her. “Do you want to do the honors? Fly solo?” He knew that when Meredith saw how easily the bleeding could be fixed, that she would’ve expected that her gloves would be kept clean the whole time in his OR. But no, he was willing to let her do this. He was willing to take the smallest of steps in the right direction again.
Leaning in to her ear, he murmured, “I can trust you with this, too.” He hoped that the phrase would dictate his willingness to repair things. Having her there in the OR again reminded him of how truly amazing she was in neuro. She’d learned all his OR quirks, memorized them and loved them even though 16 towels drove Lexie crazy. She was more than willing to learn, and above all, she showed immense talent. That was another thing Derek missed; seeing her grow in his OR because he was her teacher. He’d almost forgotten what that felt like, to see her assist on a surgery and save someone’s life. The surge of pride he always felt was something that had long since disappeared from his OR as well. Even though Lexie was an amazing doctor as well, let’s face it—Meredith was his wife, she had Ellis Grey’s talent, and Derek would always prefer a resident who wouldn’t hesitate to make sure he had an extra 16 towels waiting for him. He had no problem teaching Lexie, he actually enjoyed it. But the heart would always want what the heart wanted, it was as simple as that. He wanted Meredith back in his OR and although he knew that nothing like that would happen soon, he wanted to see her fly solo on this surgery. He hadn’t properly applauded her during her first solo surgery and that was something he regretted. By letting her take the reins on Heather Conners’ intracranial hemorrhage, maybe Meredith would see that he was trying his best to make that up to her.
“Spinal injury? Aha, of course. I’m surprised I didn’t see this before. I remember this case, a fellow surgeon in LA had a case like this before.” Charlotte said, remembering that she had seen this kind of case before even though she hadn’t worked on it. “I will run the tests just to be on the safe side, and I will let you know once I have the results.” Charlotte assured him. “Who would have thought it indeed. A neuro and sexology case.” Charlotte smirked, amused. “This will definitely be a case to remember. I am looking forward to joining you in the OR, Dr. Shepherd!” Charlotte said as she watched him leave. This definitely would prove to be an interesting case.
Charlotte picked up the patient’s files and rushed inside. “Mr. Conrad. We’re going to need to run some tests. We believe we know what’s causing the problems with your erection, but we just want to be on the safe side and make sure we’re making the right diagnosis. A nurse will be in, in a few minutes to take you for an MRI.” Charlotte explained. “MRI? Is this serious?” The patient said, starting to freak out. “I believe your difficulty is due to the fall you had a couple of weeks ago. Depending on where you hurt your back it could affect your erection.” Charlotte explained. “Oh, so this is because of the fall? Okay.” The patient said, a little less freaked out but still worried.
A nurse came and took the patient out for the MRI. The patient waited patiently in the waiting room as Charlotte saw other patients and waited for the results from the MRI. Once the nurse came with the results, Charlotte asked her to page Dr. Shepherd. “Mr. Conrad. We have your results.” Charlotte told him and followed him to the exam room. “Wait in here. I’m just waiting for Dr. Shepherd, he will be assisting me on this case and we will be in in a few minutes to explain what you have.” Charlotte smiled. She stood by the nurses’ station waiting for Derek to appear.
Derek thought of little else the rest of the day besides the interesting case Charlotte had presented him with. It occupied his mind, and needless to say his day picked up when he received a page from Charlotte. He walked briskly through the hospital towards the sexology department, spotting Charlotte by the nurses’ station. “Shall we?” He asked, following her into the room where Michael Conrad was waiting. Taking a moment to read the scans, which confirmed his initial suspicions regarding the case, Derek clapped his hands together and spoke up. “Michael Conrad,” he addressed the patient, a formal smile on his face. “I know this isn’t a man’s favorite thing to hear, but your ‘problem’? It was caused by the fall you took.” Rubbing his hands together, Derek took in a deep breath before continuing, “What we have here is a lumbosacral injury,” he held up the scans to show Michael. The words rolled easily off his tongue, but sensing the patient had no medical knowledge, Derek hurried to explain. “Basically, an injury to your spine in a specific region that affects erectile dysfunction. If you want full sexual function back, you’re going to need surgery.” He delivered the news quickly, not wanting to waste any time.
“You should know thought that there are risks to this surgery—as with any surgery. If something goes wrong, you could lose all erectile and sexua function for the rest of your life,” the idea made Derek wince. Thankfully he was not in Michael Conrad’s position. “Of course, only partial use doesn’t help you much either.” His lips pressed into a firm line, he told Michael to take his time making his decision, but preferably have his decision made soon. “I…” Michael stopped, appearing deep in thought. “I’ll do the surgery. What do I have to lose anyway?” He said, his tone almost miserable. “Great, that’s the decision I would’ve made too,” Derek said, hoping his reply lightened up the mood a bit. It couldn’t be easy being in Michael’s position, faced with the possibility of pretty much losing your… penis. Ahem. “We’ll have someone prep you for surgery. And don’t worry, I’m the best,” he said with a signature grin, walking out of the room.
“I’ll book an OR,” he told Charlotte. “And then I’ll let you know the time, et cetera. Tell Michael not to worry too much, he does have an amazing neurosurgen and sexologist working on this case.”
(via dr-charlotteking-deactivated201)
Meredith kept her eyes on Derek, waiting for some sort of response from him, almost holding her breath until he spoke. This was not how it was supposed to be between them, awkward moments full of long pauses and silences; they were married for god’s sake, it was supposed to easy, they were supposed to be able to talk to each other without fear of what the other one might say. Why was it so difficult for them? Well, Meredith knew why of course, but it wasn’t really fair – they’d worked so well in the past, right from when she’d first started as an intern. They’d saved lives together, performed so many successful surgeries, even the first clinical trial which had spawned “The Shepherd Method”. They’d been so good together, an almost perfect surgical team, and now Meredith was stupidly nervous to be going into the OR with her husband. It wasn’t right. She only hoped that somehow he could throw aside his lack of trust for her, and that this wouldn’t affect their marriage negatively. That was the last thing Meredith wanted – this unfortunate situation impacting on her personal life as everything seemed to in this damn hospital. Just once, Meredith would have liked to have an easy day of work, some simple surgeries, no awkwardness with Derek, or dark and twisty moments with Cristina – just one freaking day.
She briefly almost smiled as Derek affirmed her words. They could definitely do this, it was going to be okay; it had to be for the patient’s sake more than anything. Meredith looked down as Derek took her hand; the small gesture was reassuring and comforting, she’d definitely needed that to quell her rising fear. She didn’t know why she was so stupidly afraid, she’d seen cases like this before, she’d been in the OR when Derek had performed this exact surgery previously, but it had definitely been months since she’d seen a neuro case. Meredith remembered everything though, it had always been forefront in her mind, she’d loved the precision of neurosurgery, it was an art form, that much was true. General surgery was interesting, and like others said it was what her mother had done, but did she really want to follow in the footsteps of her mother? Meredith really wasn’t sure. She bit her lip gently and looked up as the doors of the elevator opened. She grabbed hold of the gurney and pushed it along with Derek, looking down to see that the patient was still doing alright.
Meredith followed Derek into the scrub room, closing the door behind her, leaving the two of them alone in the quiet room. She crossed to the sink, and turned on the water, beginning to scrub in. She watched the falling water in silence, just focusing on it as she cleaned her hands meticulously, standing beside her husband. Meredith bit her lip and nodded slowly as Derek spoke, taking a deep breath and then looking across at him, her hands still under the water from the tap. She didn’t know what to say, she didn’t want to have to worry about working with him, she didn’t want him to have to worry about working with her either, but did he even trust her to be in that OR with him? That was the question at the forefront of her mind. She shook her head slightly and turned back to the sink, turning off the tap, and shaking her hands. Meredith looked up again at Derek who was leaning against the sink. She bit her lip and spoke, “I’m not worried.” Meredith said, with a small nod. “We’ve done this before, we’ve worked on cases like this.” Her lips curved into a small smile, before she looked down, working out whether she should ask the question that was plaguing her mind. Realising that she wouldn’t be able to focus otherwise she spoke up again, “Just… are you sure? Can you trust me?”
Her question took him by surprise, to say the least. His blue eyes had come to rest on the wall behind her as he waited patiently, and as her words cut into the air, Derek had to refrain from snapping his head back to look at her. Out of all the responses in his mind, Derek had not seen this one coming. He couldn’t imagine the last time it’d been so hard to read Meredith; after knowing her since her first year as an intern it’d gotten to the point where he could easily read her expressions like an open book. And yet, here she was, surprising him again. Proving that if she really wanted to, she could hide everything she was feeling. Or maybe, he’d just been preoccupied with the scrub room wall and his own thoughts. Nevertheless, the small thought formed in his mind that it was a blessing to know Meredith, a blessing that she shared herself so openly with him, that there weren’t walls or barriers between them anymore. Except for this, no neuro no work situation they’d worked out. This was by far the largest wall they’d have to overcome, and they’d put it up themselves. “I don’t, I…” He faltered, his words stumbling over themselves. Derek could feel the heat creeping onto his cheeks, completely embarrassed at being caught off guard. He knew Meredith was waiting for an answer, and that there was a patient on the table as well. In a sense, time was running out, and Derek hurried to come to some sort of understanding between himself and his wife.
Clearing his throat, he began again. “Sorry, you just caught me a little off guard there,” he gave her a small smile. “I don’t know what to be sure or not sure about,” he said, the words almost lost in the quietness of his voice. “But I know I can trust you in that OR while we save Heather Conners’ life.” It wasn’t a definite answer, by far. It wasn’t, “I can trust you in that OR at all times”, it was, “I can trust you for now”. But Derek hoped it would be enough. He couldn’t imagine the excruciating emotional pain he’d have to go through if things were tense during this surgery, not even wanting to dwell on that thought any longer than he had to. Letting out a breath, he lifted his eyes to look at Meredith, again attempting to read her expression. In the back of his mind, Derek knew that if he could openly say for sure that he could trust Meredith at all times, that she’d be back in neuro in a heartbeat. He saw how she glanced up at the surgical board, how her eyes always lingered the longest on his name as she studied and memorized what surgeries he was scheduled for. He saw the way she held back her tongue at night before bed, wanting to ask him about his day but refraining as always. It was impossible to miss—Meredith missed neuro. Derek hated keeping her away but he still couldn’t find it in him to let her back, not after she messed with his clinical trial. The trial that had ultimately been for her in case she had her mother’s Alzheimer gene.
No, he couldn’t let her back. Not when this wall was towering over them, with no crevice or foothold to grasp on. Nothing to pull him up and over so he could give Meredith a hand and pull her to the other side too. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t let her back into his OR full time with all these thoughts swimming in his head, like they’d eat him up whole. It was just easier not to think about it, to pretend that he didn’t miss her like crazy every time he saw her in a scrub cap and scrub mask. The way Meredith looked when she was focused on a brain, that was part of the reason why he’d fallen so madly in love with her. Derek loved everything about her; even the parts he hated, as he’d made that quite clear. Because of the post-it, because he promised he wouldn’t run. But it made him so terribly angry and frustrated that she cared so much, that she did things without thinking—that the only reason that she needed to justify her actions was that someone she loved needed her help. It was completely and utterly maddening to him, and Derek knew that some of the other doctors—namely Bailey, had probably felt the same way when news of the clinical trial had leaked. He loved her, but he hated that she’d done something like this to force him to keep her out of his OR. Derek saw things in black and white. He was working as hard as possible to see things the way Meredith saw them, and he’d been making progress, but now… now he just wanted to shut off his brain and think of nothing but surgery.
ooc: what did i say? ;) had to stay up an extra half hour, but it was worth it!
Meredith tried to adapt her expression, not wanting the patient to catch a glimpse of her and end up even more terrified than she was already. She’d always prided herself on not letting her personal life affect her professional one. Meredith was incredibly nervous being in the trauma room with Derek; it was unlike her to be so worried about something, especially something medically related, when she knew that she had good surgical skills, and she knew what to do in trauma cases. It was just because it was the two of them in the same trauma room, and since Meredith had clipped her first aneurysm with Derek beside her, since that surgery, she’d not worked with him at all. In fact they barely saw each other around the hospital, besides walking in and having lunch together before leaving at the end of shifts. She wasn’t supposed to be in a trauma room with him, and if she’d known that the patient was a neuro case she would have asked April to move someone else so that Derek’s life could be made easier, but there wasn’t a lot she could ultimately do about that now. Meredith knew she just needed to grin and bear it and just work to save this patient’s life. That was the most important thing. Their personal problems aside, the two of them were doctors and what they did was save lives.
She looked across at Derek, focusing on him rather than the moans of the patient. From what Meredith could assess her burn wounds were serious, but there was a plastics attending working carefully on them, debriding and wrapping them in gauze so that her more life threatening brain bleed could be dealt with. Despite her worry that Derek was going to struggle to trust her once more, Meredith could not deny that she felt a small sense of thrill that she was on a neuro case. Neurosurgery had fascinated her almost ever since her intern year, and she’d definitely missed it during the time she’d been working with Bailey. Meredith dismissed the butterflies in her stomach that had come up as soon as she’d realised this patient was neuro, and that she’d actually get to see the inside of a brain once more today, and looked across at Derek. She stepped across to Derek, her anticipation at seeing the scans mounting; she remembered a recent case, when she’d been working on OB and she’d found her patient had a brain tumour, seeing those scans, hearing the word tumour, and then having to hand the case off to her younger half sister who was working with her husband… well that had all been very difficult. Inside Meredith was feeling glee, mixed with nerves, mixed with sadness for the poor woman on the table.
Meredith nodded as Derek confirmed that the patient had an intracerebral haemorrhage. She was bleeding out into her brain tissue, and obviously that wasn’t good news at all. She frowned a little, as Derek held out the CT scans, moving to look at them under the light. Meredith glanced over them, assessing what she could see, and noting the location of the bleed, and the size of the hematoma. The CT scans brought back so many memories for Meredith, fond ones; especially of when Derek had proposed to her. When the elevator doors had opened, and all the old CT scans from their patients had been there. Everything from when they had worked together, and now that was pretty much lost. She wanted him to trust her more than anything, but she completely understood why he couldn’t. It was fair enough really, she’d messed up a trial, she’d done something completely illegal, she’d almost destroyed her own career. Meredith knew she was self-destructive, but she didn’t do things thinking about what their consequences would be, she always focused on the good reasons why she was doing something.
She listened, biting her lip gently; Derek was stating the obvious to her. They needed to get the patient into surgery as soon as possible as intracerebral haemorrhages caused raised intracranial pressure and that could be fatal to the patient. “Okay.” Meredith nodded once more, and followed Derek’s gaze to the other attending, watching as he finished up bandaging the patients burns. Meredith grabbed the other side of the stretcher, following Derek from the trauma room towards the elevator down to the OR. They reached the elevator, and Meredith pushed the bed into it, assuming Derek was following. She stood there in silence for a moment. A lot had happened in the elevators of Seattle Grace for these two; the aforementioned proposal, a hasty kiss back when Meredith had been an intern, along with many awkward moments with Addison and with Rose. The elevators had always been a place that things seemed to go on in, but it was almost awkward standing in there with Derek and the patient. Meredith turned towards her husband, her lips parting as if to speak, before she closed her mouth again, frowning and looking down at the ground. Meredith took a breath again, and raised her eyebrows, looking at Derek once more. “We can do this.” She said simply. Meredith knew it was the truth, to save this patient, they had to do it, they had to push aside everything to do with their personal lives, ignore it all and just focus on the medicine.
It couldn’t have been a longer elevator ride with Derek, as he stood there leaning against the back wall with his arms crossed. His eyes were fixated on the numbers as the elevator seemed to inch onward and for the longest time, no words were exchanged between Meredith and himself. Talk about an awkward situation—with your wife, too. Made things all that much worse. He couldn’t help but glance at her out of the corner of his eye, relying on peripheral vision to try and read her emotions… although he came up with nothing, no dice, no luck. He racked his brain for something to say, watching as Meredith opened and closed her mouth, no words leaving them as well. He studied the frown she wore and the way her eyes kept themselves trained on the ground, and in the silence Derek coughed a bit, ready to speak up. The silence was broken by Meredith though, and Derek felt relieved that he could turn and look at her without the awkward and uncomfortable feeling of keeping his neck and head turned straight forward. “We can do this,” the four words left Meredith’s mouth easily, and Derek was reminded of all the surgeries and cases they’d shared. It was something he missed, and a part of him was glad that fate (or April) had somehow thrown them together on this case. It was a bit of the past, a small memory that he was willing to dwell on if they could get past the feeling that they were both in the wrong place at the wrong time.
“We can,” he replied, the words short and almost quipped. In a sudden moment’s thought without any hesitation, he crossed the few steps separating himself from Meredith and picked up her hand. By this time the elevator chose to make it to the OR floor, opening its doors with a small gust of wind. Derek gave Meredith’s hand a brief stroke with his thumb, his lips turned upward ever so slightly before dropping her hand again and taking up his side of the stretcher. “Let’s go,” he directed, taking the initial push to get the stretcher wheels over the rift created for the elevator doors. They wheeled the patient down to the OR; she’d fallen asleep briefly during their short ride to the OR and Derek was glad for that—that meant she hadn’t witnessed the tangible silence in the elevator or the short conversation he’d exchanged with his wife. He let a nurse and resident take over while he headed over to the scrub room, turning on the water and beginning the familiar and normal procedure for scrubbing in before realizing he’d have to make conversation with Meredith again.
Not wanting any more hesitant silences, Derek spoke, “It’s not your fault we’re both on this case, you know. A big trauma, they need doctors. People are pushed here and there. You don’t have to worry about working with me.” He let the words linger in the air after he’d said them, choosing to focus on the warm water and soap on his hands and arms while he waited for Meredith to respond—if she even would. He knew that she had the option of taking in his words silently and processing them herself, but Derek felt that she’d say something. She wouldn’t just leave him hanging, although Derek had to admit he’d done the same to her more times than not after finding out she’d messed with the trial. He let the water run on his skin for a few more seconds than normal, tapping off the water with his wrist eventually. Shaking off his hands in the sink, Derek turned to head into the OR. Maybe Meredith was going to leave him hanging, after all. Instead of moving though, his feet stayed in place and Derek found himself leaning against the giant sink, longing for a conversation with Meredith. No, he knew her—she wasn’t going to leave him hanging there, she would say something, anything, at least. He turned his head so he could watch her, his gaze affectionate as he regarded her small figure. He loved her, he really did. No matter what happened in the OR or with that patient on the table, he’d still love her.
Charlotte was asking more questions when the door opened and she turned to see Derek. “Yes, I paged.” Charlotte smiled back and turned back to the patient. “This will just be a moment, Mr. Conrad.” Charlotte said and turned to walk towards Derek so they could talk outside the exam room about the patient. Charlotte picked up the patient’s chart and walked outside, closing the exam room door behind her. Charlotte led Derek to one of the offices behind the nurses’ station.
“Michael Wallace Conrad. The patient is having difficulties getting an erection. The patient is healthy, claims to not be having a stressful time in his life, says he’s not tired. There’s no psychological problems that could have led him to having problems getting an erection. I asked him if he’s had any pains that could difficult getting an erection, he says that he hasn’t. The patient’s on medication. He’s been experiencing back pain. He said that a couple of weeks ago he fell down the stairs and hit the lower part of his back.” Charlotte explained, going through her notes on the chart. She handed the patient’s chart to Derek so he could see for himself. “I’m going to run some routine tests on him, but I believe it’s something neurological. And since that’s your field of expertise… I paged you, Dr. Shepherd. And, well, I also paged you, because most patients struggle talking to a female doctor about erections. I thought it would be easier talking to a male doctor.” Charlotte explained, she knew that most of her patients had problems talking to her when it came to erectile dysfunction or anything else.
“He has no other symptoms that could lead to this. And if it weren’t for the fall he had a couple of weeks ago, I wouldn’t have thought of it being neurological. But then again, I did see a case like this in LA. The only difference was that patient was having seizures and it was a brain tumor. I asked him, and he says that he hasn’t had any seizures, that he’s been fine. So I believe it’s the back injury.” Charlotte finished and looked up at Derek wondering what he thought about the case. After all, Derek was a neurosurgeon, he would know better than her if it was due to the back injury, if it could have anything to do with the spine, if it was neurological or not.
Following Charlotte out of the room, Derek’s mind was focused on the patient that had been in the room they left. He still couldn’t figure out why on earth Charlotte had paged him, her being a sexologist and him being a neurosurgeon, but he figured it out soon enough. Derek was appreciative of the way Charlotte wasted no time in giving out the patient’s—Michael Conrad’s—information, liking her all-business manner. “I believe you’re right in assuming it’s neurological,” he mused, hand underneath his chin as his brain worked to identify what exactly was the patient’s problem. “Something neuro,” he murmured again, more to himself than Charlotte, his brain still preoccupied. “A spinal injury,” he said suddenly, eyes picking up the way they always did whenever he’d reached some kind of light regarding a case. “If it’s lumbosacral it can affect the bowel, the bladder, the patient’s sexual function,” Derek emphasized, talking more excitedly now. “It was the fall that triggered all of this,” he continued, his speech rate slowing down now as the initial excitement faded. “Go ahead and run those tests, Dr. King, but I can guarantee you that that’s the problem—but go ahead with the tests, just to make sure,” he grinned, taking a step backwards as he spoke.
“Page me when you have the results, so we can inform the patient together,” he instructed, a grin on his face as he spoke. “And then be prepared to scrub in—it’s a neuro and sexology case,” he shook his head in amusement. “Who would’ve thought, a neuro and sexology case? On your first week of work, too,” he said, backing up down the hall with his hands resting in the pockets of his lab coat. “I look forward to working with you, Dr. King! See you in the OR.” With a wave of his hand, Derek disappeared around the corner. This, if anything, would prove to be an interesting and fascinating case. Neuro and sexology, together. He couldn’t remember many cases like this, and he was glad for the opportunity to be working with Dr. Charlotte King. If anything, forming a friendship with the blonde would also aid him in repairing his relationship with Amelia—and that on its own was enough to make a man smile.
(via dr-charlotteking-deactivated201)
